not the radio music.

i don't understand everything. i don't want to understand everything. the world in my perspective is the blank canvas we are given and are told "make it whatever." we have a choice. we can make it as beautiful as the autumn leaves or dirty as the allys of new york. we are given this chance to create something beyond what we have installed in us. we can spread this newly created canvas and show everyone we know just how and why we created it. we can express ourselves through it. we can better ourselves and the world with it. we are given the opportunity everyday to re-do this canvas. we can make it better. we can make it shittier than before. we get it everytime the sun rises from it's sleep. we get it when we need it the most. all you have to do is close your eyes, sit tight, and wait for the sun to say good morning. we have the choice to make the world a better place by just creating our canvas. we have the chance to create change every day.

i have been thinking a lot about the career and the path i want to follow with my life. i think i finally got it planned even though planning has never seemed to work for me. i don't want to feel like tomorrow is never going to decide what i do because it does. this is just what i hope and pray for when i claspe my hands and think about the future.
i want to spend my life serving others. the way i see this best suite is by teaching. i've always had a passion for helping people better understand the task at hand. i was always good at giving out advice and words as well. i'd like to teach jr. high english or literature. i think this age is so vulnerable and the age we start to mold into the people we are going to be for the rest of our lives. i remember having a bonkers seventh grade teacher that for the first time in my life said that it was ok to discuss non-school related topics in the classroom. this was an uplifting experience and the first time i felt a real genuine connection for a teacher and a love for learning. this is also before high school. high school is big. it's when we morph and become adults. its the learning blocks for adulthood. it gives us the information suited for the big bad world. it's better to be ready than afraid when you go to high school and teachers can affect this.
when i am a teacher i want to open writing to a lot of kids. it's something everyone can do and there's so many ways to do it. i don't want to assign writings that are pointless and routine. i want them to write about topics that mean something. may it be a time they were challenged or a time that will always stick out for them. i'd also encourage them reading these to their peers unless there is a private writing i assign. a good habit is being able to stand up infront of people and spill your words into the laps.
before all this i have deffinately decided i am going to college. i will be the only one out of my siblings to go. i want to earn a teaching degree in english or literature as i mentioned. most people start to get a job after college. instead, i want to join the peace corps. i would love to be apart of such an amazing program and help myself discover the world and the power of love and knowledge in the places that need it. i understand it is four years. i understand i will be away from family and friends. i understand the living conditions. those are all the things that make it so much more ambitious. i will miss my home. but i will know i am doing something more important than any human being.
now, before i get a classroom teaching job i'd like to do something like nature's classroom. i've always had a passion for nature and being able to combine that with teaching would be amazing. i've been there two times and it's life changing. the people and places you spend your time with are unforgettable. also, being able to teach someone without a textbook is outstanding and a great way for kids to find alternatives to learning.
i know that this won't make me a billionare. i know that teaching can sometimes not pay what i would like. but in the end, it's the amount of wealth in knowledge and love that you have is what matters. i would be beyond happy with my life if i ended up teaching with a husband and three kids and not making millions of dollars everyday. thats not the pursuit of happyness. the feeling of accomplishment in your own text is what matters.