tonight.

lying on the ground she had nothing to win or lose. the pain that struck her nerves earlier was released by the fine tooth of a razor. she stares at the light above and hopes its the last thing she will ever see. music streams from the room next door with words that sooth the unbarable lies she forces down her throat. her arms tell the story of being lost and hurt. she asks me what to do when she can't accept herself. i tell her to be herself. she can not hold onto these words because to her they mean near to nothing. her head is filled with bolts of lightening thrashing against her brain. her eyes sting when she touches them. their as red as the blood coming from her arm. tears strike her cheek bones that have become rosey. her throat is sore from screaming insanities. she regrets the words she has said and wishes they would come back to her. nothing can stop her now. she is embarresed to say she is the person on the bathroom floor. she thinks about the words they say to her. the hurtful lies that people tell her. "you'll never be good enough." "your nothing." for every time she hears this, it plays back ten times more. she believes she is nothing. as if she has no one or no thing to live for anymore. the hurt is too much. the speed under her feet is beginning to die. she scratches the floor to help herself get to her feet. they are cold from the tile below which feels like the road to no hope. the mirror stares back into her eyes now. the red swollen eyes that have seen what we have nightmares of. she's heard it all and knows what it is like to have nothing. just a razor and her music. this is all she needs tonight. she doesn't sleep anymore. her eyes don't want to close because if she does, they might fail her. they might trick her. the white ceiling stains her eyes. red water is surrounding her arms still. large across it writes "pain". she doesn't realize we all have pain. she doesn't know we all go through a so called "hard time". the people who bring her down have been brought down themselves. we all look at the ceiling looking for a light to bring us to better times. we all look in the mirror and try to find perfection, beauty, inpsiration. we walk the halls of school with the same state of mind- will this ever end? she has people who care about her. they would be horrified if she left. lying on the ground she forgets all of this. she focuses on her past. what she did wrong and passing her strengths. she doesn't know what comes next. she hopes it will be God. she has no faith right now. her belief that music feels our wounds doesn't exist anymore. she is questioning if people even care if she's alive or dead. she sure as hell knows her parents won't. this all gets better. this all returns. tonight will have its dawn. her scars will stop bleeding. the song will end. her life doesn't have to be like that, though. it doesn't have to be like the ceiling- same and dull. she needs faith. music. hope. strength. someone. she needs herself. she needs to realize what is now is now, we will never get tomorrow back. standing at the sink, the tears stop. lying on the floor she realizes that tomorrow night will be the same.